I was sitting in my Living a Meaningful Life class this last Friday, and I just got this feeling that I need to write a blog post. Besides, I kinda miss being on my blog. I haven’t done much with it in a while. - School’s crazy. ;)
Something I have been thinking a lot about as I have been off in college, is trying to learn who I am and what I want and also just being patient and being ok with myself. I’m going to be honest in this blog post, since coming to school I have had some very off days, which is ok but I feel like I have had more off days than I should. This has been a really hard thing for me because, deep down, this is not what I want and this is not who I am.
I have many high goals for myself and many things I want to do with my life.I want to be a motivational speaker, social media influencer, and/or create my own podcast… those are just a few ideas. I want to inspire others and change the world. I want to do service and do good in other people's lives. This is where I want to head in life. But saying this, I have been feeling like I can’t do this. I can do it, but if I do, I feel like I would be fake.
I truly mean what I say in my posts. I want other people to know those things because I know they are true and I believe them with all my heart. Sometimes, especially on and off in the last year, I feel like I just haven’t exactly lived my own words so I ask myself, “Why am I sharing this when I’m not even living it…?” I do live them but I feel like lately I just haven’t fully lived it and I know we aren’t perfect… and we all have our bad days… but something just seems different in my life right now.
I decided to do a social media fast (Instagram). I won’t get back on until January 1, 2020. There are a few reasons why I decided to do this. One, I was prompted to do so. It was a very last minute decision. It was 10PM and I was scrolling and then I randomly decided to do this challenge. I deleted it that night and bam. Here I am. Another reason is because I decided it would take one thing away from my life that was a distraction. This time of year is pretty much the most special time of year in my opinion. This is a holiday season and I wanted to make it a more special one by taking out this distraction and living it up with my friends and family and making it the most special holiday season yet. (speaking of, I have never had Christmas vibes so early in the year, maybe because it’s cold and the other night I saw christmas lights on campus? But literally I just want to play Christmas music… I do it alone to avoid judgment hahaha.) Also, it’s my first semester of college and I just really want it to be mostly perfect ya know? ;) Another reason, I wanted to just take this time to also figure myself out. I want to take this time and decide what I want for me. One of my goals is to grow my social media and do more with it. But with where I am at in life right now, I felt this is not the time. It’s been almost three weeks now, since I have been off social media. And honestly, it has been very freeing. I feel like I’m having more real life social opportunities. I’ve noticed that I've been on my phone less and I’m more productive. (I will say Netflix has been my new substitute;) but that's ok, I think that's a way better addiction than social media. Haha. ;) But really I feel like I have been able to have real conversations with people at the dinner table. And just be in the moment. I feel like this is allowing me to figure out what I want for my life. I am very glad and excited to be doing this social media fast because it is doing a lot of good for me right now.
Anyway, again, I have felt a little different in my personality lately. And it’s something i want to figure out. I decided to go to counseling and not going to lie but at first I was very much nervous about it. I think because of the little stigma behind it. But after going a few times, it really has been a blessing already. Honestly I think everyone should have a counselor because it helps with a lot. I think it has really helped me and I’ve been doing a lot better since. This last week has been a toughy bc of some life situations. I’ve just had time to think of what I can do for these life situations. And I’ve come to a fact for all of them. Basically all these things I’m going through will be ok. And everything will work out!!
This weekend I have felt very optimistic about my life. Today I feel so motivated to just get out there and take on the world. And just do the best I can at whatever I do but whatever happens in those things I just tell myself that life is going to be ok. :) one step at a time;)
To end this part of the blog post I just want to say, I’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable or anything. I am just sharing real feelings I’ve had.
Anyway, besides all that stuff I shared, the college life has been awesome. It’s an adjustment for sure but dang I feel like I have been transitioning pretty well. It’s been fun being independent. Also I LOVE my roommate. I lucked out. (You’re the best Tayler;) She’s so fun and just the coolest. I love most of my classes (there’s always one that’s not the best… haha) but really I have a good schedule and awesome classes and awesome professors. And I have made some awesome friends:) Guys, I’ll just wrap it up here and say college life it freaking awesome!!
My wonderful, amazing, out of the world roommate Tayler:)
Fun fact: Milo Ventimiglia is my celebrity crush. Dang he's cool. Also This Is Us is literally one of my favorite TV shows and I have been loving Season 4 so far.
Have a good week everyone and know that life is oh so good. Love y'all.